and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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