I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
