im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize