I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
