Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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