I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
