just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
