god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
