I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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