Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
