woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
