and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
