ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
