I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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