You smell like stripper and shame
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
