You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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