Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
