Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
