I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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