I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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