We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
