Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
