WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
