seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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