is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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