So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
