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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
