Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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