Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
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Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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