hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
