How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
