Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
