dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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