I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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