we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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