I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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