please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
