That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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