I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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