apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
