Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Randomize
