If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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