as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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