Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize