we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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