I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
