Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
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How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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