This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
