dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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