youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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