giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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