did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
