Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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