I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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