sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I did not marry a roomba.
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