u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
