So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
