everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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