They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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