i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Blood and glitter go together right?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
