I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
