He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
