Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
