I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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