im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ketchup is God's man juice
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
