I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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