I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
