i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
