eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
