I faked an abortion last night.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
