haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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